My celibate dog

Do you all share my view that this blog has literally gone to the dogs this week? Here comes Priya Raju’s heart-warming story about her dog Brownie.
These days, there is so much debate about celibacy & whether it is necessary for priest-hood. I’m not taking a political stance in this article. I just think that – for certain types of people, celibacy is not as difficult as it is made out to be. What’s more, I think celibacy may be a natural preference, occurring in a small % of the general population. It may even occur among animals.

This is an article about my dog. And its celibacy.

I still remember the day our dog came home. I was about 4 years old & my brother, 8. Our parents had been out shopping – we were pretending to do our home-work, but actually trying to gouge each other’s eyes, under the supervision of our not-so-watchful grand-mom. My brother was on the verge of success, when our parents walked in. Mom asked us to see if the front-door was locked. We went at top gear to the front-door, but braked suddenly. There was a fuzzy, floppy creature near the door. It was brown in color, had a black mouth & a stubby tail. It had a soulful, sweet face that just melted our hearts. A dog! Our parents had bought us a dog! Its funny tail was wagging furiously. Oh, the joy!

We named it – so unoriginally – Brownie. Seems like a totally lame name now, but we thought it was perfect for our dog. Brownie was a German Shepherd (Alsatian). Very soon, Brownie’s breed asserted itself – at least as far as appetite & appearance go. After about 1 year, Brownie looked like a small, ferocious Rhino. The operative word being, “looked”. Its temperament, sadly, was more like a scared librarian in a city university. My parents – both of them professors – had taken a nice, ferocious German shepherd, exposed it to all their erudition & completely sissified it. 2nd hand erudition is worse than 2nd hand smoking, what can I say.

Now, time was a-passing & Brownie reached its teenage in dog years. If he had been human, my dad would have given him the “birds & bees” speech. But very disturbingly for my dad, Brownie showed no interest in anything, um, south of his stomach. By this time, the highlights of his day consisted of chasing the vegetable vendor & hiding from all the neighborhood dogs. I don’t exaggerate: when some dog paid him “attention”, Brownie would quiver with fear, run to my dad & try to hide his face in his lap! Me & my brother were indignant – why, Brownie was scared of the miserable Pomeranian that belonged to the Vet! It was so embarrassing for us.

So here was Brownie, so innocent, not even noticing that most animals came in 2 genders – male & female, if you didn’t know. One day, our dad decided that our dog can be normal, only if it led a normal (read sexually active!) life. Desperate situations demanded desperate measures. So, he devised an experiment. Early in the morning, he kept the gates open & lured an unsuspecting she-dog with a boiled egg. Then, he closed the door to give Brownie & his new girl-friend some privacy!! Really now – I shudder to think that he was a professor then. They entrusted vulnerable, young minds to his care. And here he was, playing Kinsey.

And nothing happened. A few minutes later, our dad opened the door to find Brownie sharing the egg ever so nicely with his new friend. My dad’s experiment had failed miserably. Brownie remained celibate & disinterested in sex till the day he died.

A few years back, my aunt was talking about how priest-hood runs in our family. Several relatives of ours had become men & women of the cloth – with celibacy thrown in, of course. She mentioned that in my generation, none of us had the calling – as she nicely put it. I shuddered & then remembered. None of my cousins or my siblings perhaps – but at least 1 member of the family had the calling. Brownie had honored the family tradition & had been the token celibate of our generation.


  1. Quote
    Anonymous said January 26, 2007, 5:07 am:

    Priya – I laughed so much. You had quite accurately described your sense of humor in orkut. I loved the 2nd hand erudition. Dad’s experiment had me in splits. Is it true?

  2. Quote
    Anonymous said January 26, 2007, 2:49 pm:

    Priya – good one.I could not stop laughing !!
    Eager to read more..

  3. Quote
    Anonymous said January 26, 2007, 2:52 pm:

    oops! I forgot to add my name

    Priya – good one.I could not stop laughing !! Eager to read more..


  4. Quote
    Anonymous said January 27, 2007, 5:28 am:

    Thanks Archana. Oh yes – dad really tried to get Brownie a girlfriend. The truth is often funnier than anything concocted 🙂

    – Priya

  5. Quote
    Anonymous said January 27, 2007, 5:30 am:

    Thanks Prasanna.

    – Priya

  6. Quote
    Anonymous said January 27, 2007, 10:33 am:


    Good One. I also enjoyed reading your other posts. Keep writing.


  7. Quote
    Anonymous said January 28, 2007, 12:19 pm:

    Thanks Sujatha.

    – Priya

  8. Quote
    Nimmy (subscribed) said October 10, 2008, 3:15 am:

    😀 ROFL. Really enjoyed this one. You have a really good sense of humor, Priya!

    Who, btw, is your favorite author in the humor category and otherwise? Just curious…! 🙂 (Perhaps hoping you will quote the person on my mind…)

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