In my previous post, I had outlined some basic methods to distinguish good medicine from barking mad therapies. In this post, let’s dig deeper to see how the tricksters abuse science to confound lay-people.

Chain of Evidence
First, I have to debunk some ill-conceived notions about science & formal medicine. Science does not dismiss unproven healing methods, ideas or experiences right away. It systematically looks for evidence in an unbiased manner – and then, based on the outcome, chooses to support (or oppose) the proposed idea. Most importantly, it also tries to reproduce the reported success of the healing method – after understanding the conditions under which it manifests itself.

Science is not just based on experiments & personal observation. Several scientists have predicted outcomes thru Math, theories & repeating patterns – well before any evidence could be found. Mendeleev predicted the characteristics of several elements before they were discovered. Einstein dreamed up his Theories of Relativity first, proved it next. It was possible for him to do that because – he knew all the facts & principles leading to it.

Which brings us to “Chain of Evidence”, one of the corner-stones of science. Every new earth-shaking theory is like a chain of concepts, proven data points or experiments. For the final link in the chain (i.e., the new theory) to be correct, every link in the chain should be correct. How can we ensure that every chain in our reasoning is correct? By relying on scientific methods.

Quacks shouldn’t be taken seriously because – They are unable prove any/most of the links in their thinking. Their basic premises veer far from scientifically accepted principles. It is no surprise then that their theories are heckled by established scientific institutions the world over. They only seem to succeed in the public domain because – the general populace has very little knowledge on science. This means the charlatans have a field day & continue their vaudeville act.

Science is “Too Narrow”
I have a problem with squawking popinjays that claim their pet theories are 100% scientific, but when pressed for proof – throw a hissy fit, accuse everyone of being narrow minded & start ranting about how science is useless to understand the nuances in life. They may also say that science hasn’t “caught up” with them. Possibly & I hope it never does.

This double-speak gives me conniption fits. I just wish they’ll answer some simple questions, so that I can stop the woozy feeling in my head.

1. Folks – Your claims are either scientific or not. Make up your mind. Which is it?

2. If you think science is inadequate to explain your technique, why do you use scientific terms to explain it?

3. If you truly believe in what you say – Why do you resist all attempts by the scientific community to independently theorize, conceptualize, measure or analyze your claims & report findings?

4. If you think science is ill equipped to prove the veracity of you claims – How in the blazes did you conclude that your claims are scientific in the 1st place?

And finally – Narrating one anecdote after another is called “hearsay” – its not the same as providing verifiable supporting evidence.

Appeal to Authority
Since most people are not savvy about science, quacks get their attention easily by invoking the names of authority figures. Check if they make references to Tesla, Bohr, Farraday or other dead scientists – who can’t even whimper their protests from their grave. Such “Dead Scientists Societies” are very useful, since even lay-people know their names.

Like most crooks, quacks are getting smarter & smarter. Sadly, the same can’t be said about their victims. Tricksters usually play “Star Trek” by “cloaking” their shlock in scientific jargon like “Energy Fields”, “Molecular Clusters” & “Quantum Vibrations”. They’ll explain all these concepts admirably, but fail to explain scientifically how any of them have a bearing on the pseudo-scientific geegaw that they are selling. By juxtaposing their ideas with valid science, these nutters hope that a smidgen of the respect you have for physics will rub off on the sleaze that they are selling. They also hope fervently that this new-found respect will make you swallow all your questions & start believing them.

Excusez moi, but me thinks that it stinks

Let me illustrate with some scintillating giberish that I’ve encountered. “During healing, the brain wave patterns of practitioner and receiver pulse in unison with the earth’s magnetic field, known as the Schumann Resonance. During these moments, the biomagnetic field of the practitioners’ hands is at least 1000 times greater than normal, and not as a result of internal body current”. Well, that’s illuminating

Let me clutch my sides for a sec – I’m laughing so hard they are about to fall off. First of all, Schumann Resonance is “Electromagnetic” – not just “Magentic”: the berks can’t spell “Electromagnetic” yet?? Second, its a standing-wave that will manifest itself only when a lightning strike excites the cavity between the atmosphere & the earth’s crust. Third, its not some magical energy field that can be “channelized” by people – unless you want to get hit by a lightning & join the party. And lastly, maybe I’ve missed it – did you catch them providing any evidence on their healing method’s mystical connection with Schumann resonance? Other than hearsay?

See what I mean? They’ve successfully distracted people, but they still haven’t proved a thing. They invoked Winfried Schumann, just like our ancestors invoked Mitra, Indra, Dagon or Zeus – to dissuade others from bothering them. They keep lives interesting for skeptics though

We are Too Stupid
When all else fails, they attack the arguer. This is a logical fallacy called Ad Hominem – Attacking the arguer instead of the argument. As in, they may blame us for being too stupid or too rigid to understand them & the possibilities they weave out of their imaginations.

An acquaintance once told me – “You know, I can heal people over the phone! The scientific (!) principle of Remote Healing relies on both me & the patient having access to the universal energy waves around us”. I sighed – life is indeed trying for a skeptic. I asked him – “No kidding? You can send healing signals pulsating over ether?”. He didn’t see what was coming, so he proudly puffed himself up & said “Yes!”.

I asked him calmly “If that’s true, why don’t you beam your magic pulses to Africa & cure all AIDS victims?”. He went pale & made some inconsequential noises about how Africans should want to get healed first. Nonsense – As if AIDS victims love the company of the HIV virus & can’t bear to be parted from it! I snorted & nearly said “Bollocks!” – but feigned a polite silence. He was already “Checkmated with Candles & Balloons” – as my brother used to say. Well, he also blew raspberries whenever he said that – He was a rare one for capturing the gravity of a situation

Forewarned is Forearmed! My love for debunking runs deep. I may post a follow-up to this post.

Talking about oneself is crass solipsism at worst & a crashing bore at best. Be that as it may, I have to resort to some over-sharing – all for a good porpoise, I mean, purpose. Fear not, I won’t make this a meandering personal narrative. So, bear with me. Or not – At this mo’, I don’t particularly care which.

{Flashback Fades In Here} Many years back, I developed a stomach ailment – Acid Reflux, to be precise. “Developed” – What a word, as if I’m a photographer working on a roll of film It was particularly severe & my doctor hyper-ventilated whenever she heard my symptoms. I had to pat her back sympathetically. She set out heart-breaking wails every time she upped my dosage. My family became woozy with worry when the doctor started bringing in interns to study my “interesting case”. So in the Winter of 2001, a relative offered to cure me thru Reiki.

“Just believe fully in my powers to cure you!” his voice fluted pleasantly. I had to lie down on the sofa & close my eyes. “Er, what happens then?” I asked, cheering up. Alternative medicine is glamorous if nothing else – so I was hoping for fancy-shmancy pyrotechnics. “I move my hands above your stomach for 10 minutes!”. “What, that’s all?” I asked, outraged. Any reader of my post knows I’m a skeptic: I was deeply suspicious of Reiki by now. I’ve swallowed enough Zantac to fell a giant, 1 of the interns opined that I had no oesophagus left & hence had no business to be alive – and this bloke thought randomly flailing his arms would cure me.

I chewed my nails for a few minutes pensively. There are many things that we don’t know. So I agreed in-principle that Reiki might work. I suspended all judgement & put myself in his hands – literally. After the session, he asked me “Did you feel your body bounce off the sofa? That usually happens during healing!” I mulled over this honestly & told him – “No”. “But, you must feel some heat on the stomach now!” he piped in, crest-fallen. “Er, my acidity keeps my stomach rather hot & lively all the time. I didn’t feel anything unusual. And I don’t feel better either” I said helpfully. “I…I can’t continue this treatment” he said nervously. “Why not? I persisted. {Flashback Fades Out Here}

The Stitch On My Side
Seriously now. I’ve been watching with increasing discomfort at how the mind-share of science is shrinking in the 21st century. Its premature to order a coffin – but educated people are ready to jump head-long into any “New Age Cure” flapdoodle. Pseudo-scientific healing methods spring up more quickly these days than mushrooms after a rain. For the record, science doesn’t brush aside anything that can’t be proven. If some form of alternative medicine is unable to show how it works, but is able to cure patients – I won’t attempt to deconstruct it. The means or the end – if neither can be shown – stop sniveling. Skeptics will jump in for the kill, with pleasure.

If you came to this site wanting to hear plaudits sung on Alternative Medicine, you’ll be sorely disappointed. I’ll explain as lucidly as possible why I don’t have a scintilla of belief in unproven methods. Now, how should we go about methodically figuring out whether an Alternative Healing technique is any good? Here are some indications that some mischief is afoot & all’s not well in Eden:

Power of Placebos
If the miracle cure says, “You’ve gotta believe in it for it to work” – That’s a clear signal that they absolve themselves of all responsibility. If the treatment didn’t work, they can always blame it on your “attitude”. If it does work, they get free word-of-mouth publicity. Either way, they win. If it works, its the “Placebo Effect” – also called “Faith Healing” – masquerading as new age jiggery-pokery.

The “Placebo Effect” is a well documented phenomenon, where the patient feels better – not because of the munificence of the treatment, but because the patient believes fully in it. Most of the benign alternative therapies work this way, by harnessing your own belief. Approximately, 35% of the people are susceptible & they feel marginally to considerably better after ingesting placebos. Pharmaceutical companies have to conduct Double-blind Experiments – Where the experimenter doesn’t know who the “Test” & “Control” subjects are. They are expected to prove that their drugs work better than “Sugar Pills” – which is what is used as placebos in their control experiments. Ergo, they have to prove that their remedies work as advertised.

Practitioners of quackery have no such obligations. What isn’t rigorously tested may not work.

Nature <> Benign
I was jawing with my hair-dresser Amy on her mom’s impending menopause. Amy said “Oh, I’ve put my mom on natural estrogen!” – She was positively beaming & looked at me like a Labrador Retriever in dire need of petting. “Ah – Excellent. But, Amy, have you checked with her doctor before starting her on this?” I asked. “B-But – Plant Estrogens are natural!!” said Amy indignantly. “Well, I wouldn’t try it without a doctor’s say-so” I persisted. “Really? Not even something Natural?” wondered Amy, banishing further thought. As far as she was concerned, that settled it.

“Well, Rattlesnake Venom & Latin American Toad Poison are natural. Hot Lava cremating us ahead of schedule is natural. A tiger chomping someone’s butt off is natural. Heck, aging & death are natural. I don’t see you queueing up for any of that!” – I said. Actually, I didn’t. My good sense prevailed. Arguing with someone wielding scissors is a no-no in my book.

Just because natural drugs don’t have “chemicals” doesn’t make them good for you. There are definitely some very beneficial natural therapies – but it would be a fallacy to think they are good because they are natural. Before you lose fistful of $$ for that natural remedy, research it for contra-indications. For all you know, it may be a poison. Or, it may interact with other drugs that you take.

Weasel Words
Look for “Weasel Words”, the Lingua Franca of quacks. The advertiser may manipulate you by hiding behind ambiguity, by being dodgy, shifty & crafty. Stated simply, you can’t accuse them of being straight arrows Examples are:

1. “Studies done by leading doctors prove this!!!” – Which doctors did this study? Who determined they are “leading”? Who commissioned the study?
2. “It has been well accepted that our capsule gives excellent results!!!” – Accepted by whom? Define “Excellence” in terms of relief – 10%, 20% – What?
3. “90% of the people saw improvement after our electro-static massage!!!” – How many people were studied? How many times was this study repeated? “Improvement” is an ambiguous word – How did the subjects feel 1, 3 or 6 months after the treatment?

Such claimants hope that you won’t poke your nose & demand specifics. If their treatment is so good, why don’t they get an FDA certification? Or, publish their findings before an August committee of doctors, who can independently verify their claims? You’d think they’ll be making a beeline to present their therapy & win the Nobel! If their claims are true, they will. On the other hand, if they are liars & cheats, they have every reason to avoid peer reviews.

“Ancient Therapy” Ploys
Some of you may now say, “There are age old cures that work, you git!”. Granted, there are some ancient therapies that work. Neem extracts, Tea Tree Oil (good for nail fungus ; for the nail, I mean – not the fungus), Vajradanti Tooth Powder, Candied ginger for nausea – its a long list. Most – not all – of these cures were arrived upon by the ancient people after repeated experimentation & observation. That’s the basis of science.

But, before using any “ancient” therapy, check how old it really is. Reiki for e.g., is touted as an ancient therapy – if you consider “150 years old” ancient So, to get public benediction, a shyster simply needs to state that their therapy is based “On the Ancient Wisdom of Japan/China/Tibet/India”. Poor Iraq, Iran & Egypt. They have older cultures, but they haven’t managed to capture sufficient woo-woo mind-share.

Please note that modern practitioners of ancient therapies make marked departures from the proscribed medical texts! Some acupuncturists for e.g. – pass a mild current thru the needles. I may be wrong, but something tells me that electricity wasn’t freely available 1000 years back Still think its based on “age old” wisdom?

Some of the ancient therapies – we know now – are extremely harmful. Certain Ayurvedic medicines use Antimony compounds – and they are as toxic as Arsenic. Semi-literate people scoop, pound & package these chemicals cheerfully. What, they are gonna exercise special precaution because you are buying? Improper synthesis of such drugs can kill you. Per Ayurvedic texts, these compounds should be fired at a certain temperature to lose their toxicity. And no qualified person is regulating all this. If someone is dead set (pun intended) in popping these pills, I’ll get some for them

Summing Up
Consider this – There’s no money in skepticism & cart-loads in mumbo-jumbo. Who is more likely to gip you? Me or them? I have to catch my breath – None of us is getting younger & I’m totally winded out after all this pontificating.

Whenever I exhibit my inner skeptic, I get hate mail from people, threatening a punch in my solar plexus – and I didn’t know I had this “solar” gimcrack If I’m not killed or maimed – and otherwise feel reasonably alive & limping, I’ll pen a follow-up post on how quacks abuse science to confound people & sell more of their tripe.

Dear Readers, I’ve been thinking. And that should make you very nervous – almost as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. So far, I’ve wrought nothing but mischief with my thinking. This is a fair warning: I’ve been using the spaghetti between my ears.

There are so many awards given out each year – Nobel, Pulitzer, Booker, Sahitya Academy, Peabody, Oscar, Grammy – its a long list. For people that inspire others thru exalted performance. For people that set a high-water mark for human endeavor. For people who open new doors in the quest for knowledge. For people that are brilliant.

But what about the dumb & the batty, huh? What, no awards for them?? Isn’t that tantamount to discrimination? I’m particularly distressed that we don’t have awards to recognize charlatans, quacks & assorted purveyors of pseudo-science. So, I decided to rectify this grievous miscarriage of justice. IMHO, such people deserve awards ceremonies amidst fanfare. I decided to give out awards for those that are so batty that “batty” ain’t the word to describe them anymore. And the ones that bamboozle simple folk, because – well, their bam is just too easy to boozle

I announce the “Millenium Bat Awards”, the awards for the snake-oil selling crocodiles. I give out these awards only once in 1000 years, so pay attention. Winners have been selected for furthering the cause of science: their ideas are so bizarre, that their very mention will make sensible people say “YEWWW!”. I believe that this “YEWWW!” factor will send people careening towards genuine science.

What kind of bats-in-the-belfry ideas are high in “YEWWW!” factor? Take utter bunkum like the takionic headbands. For a mere $29.95, you can get a head or wrist-band that will counter your stress levels. Its the elastic equivalent of the happy pill, “Prozac”. Its energy is harnessed from “Tachyons that are not from the electro-magnetic spectrum. They are (drum-roll, please) Magneto-Electric!”. Gee, that sounds scientific! Thank God James Clerk Maxwell is dead. If he were alive, he’ll be so depressed that he’ll need a takionic wrist-band.

Now, for the awards – “Delirious Dingbat” and “Wonky Wombat”. There’s a certain hierarchy & a pecking order in these awards. DD is easier to get than WW. Sort of like the difference between Padma Shri & Padma Bhushan given by the Indian government. Only the “Padma” awards are for heroes. And mine are for crackpots. Indeedy yes!

I regret that I had to overlook a few stellar performers for these awards. Deepak Chopra – His accomplishments straddle several disciplines. Quantum Physics, Neurology, Philosophy, Logic, Statistics, Religion, Psychology. If we let him compete, he’ll win all the awards hands-down – so, in the spirit of competition, I had to drop this over-achiever. Tom Cruise – For his immense contributions to Religion & Philosophy. I was particularly moved by his latest Youtube video where he talks with wisdom (& without blinking, if I may add) about KSW, E-Meters & Thetans. But since the Church of Scientology relentlessly sues people for slander, I had to reluctantly drop Tommy from my list. And Dinesh D’Souza? Give that man a few more years, I say. He has tremendous potential. As it is, he’s just warming up.

I award Uri Geller the “Delirious Dingbat” award. Geller is known for his prowess in bending spoons – “Psychokinesis”. He would merely “stroke” the spoons for a few minutes & voila, – they broke into 2 pieces! Not to mention “Telepathy” – He could describe hidden drawings! Many people were hysterical, ecstatic or both & hailed their latest Messiah.

Ah, but there were a few flies in the ointment. Many magicians did the things Geller did, using simple “Parlor Tricks” – without claiming to be “Psychokinetic”. Noted skeptic James Randi was one of them. Nobel Laureate Physicist Richard Feynman, who needs no introduction, stated that Geller couldn’t bend his car keys Geller routinely used his “Telepathic” powers to predict the outcome of sports events – only to be routinely wrong. Geller faced a public denouement on national TV in Johnny Carson’s program: You see, he couldn’t bend Carson’s spoons. His tricks only worked on spoons from the Geller home

In spite of all this, people believed Geller, more voceiferously than ever. Because he claimed to be a Juju man. And he is utterly believable, right? The fact that he once was an amateur magician can’t have a bearing on anything, would it?

Masaru Emoto gets the “Wonky Wombat” award. Emoto is known for his New Age Woo Woo stuff of “Messages from Water“. He says that your thoughts have a deep impact & hence, positive thoughts are better. So far, I agree. But the dude went on to postulate how our “vibrations”, words, thoughts and music have a profound effect on the crystal structure of snow & ice. He took pretty pictures of these crystals & published it as a book to drive home his point.

Water must be a very impressionable & confused beverage that needs therapy. Water from city reservoirs formed ugly crystals – but when they heard chanting from a priest, they felt better & arranged themselves into beautiful crystals. It didn’t stop there. Apparently, water can read very well. Emoto typed a few names on a piece of paper & tagged it to ice trays. Pretty crystals formed when the name tag “Mother Theresa” was affixed – and ugly crystals when “Adolf Hitler” was affixed. Hey, I’m not making this up. Its all in his book.

Its unclear at this point if water from Japan (where Emoto carried out his experiments) can only read Japanese, or can do equally well with English or Spanish Skeptics have challenged Emoto to do a double-blind study, where the experimenter won’t know what words the water was exposed to. They also want him to publish photographs of different parts of the ice specimen. I don’t know what his plans are, but I’m not waiting with bated breath. As Andy Warhol famously noted, Emoto got his 15 minutes of fame. And sold his books.

Albert Einstein once said, “The most beautiful and profound emotion we can experience is the sensation of the mystical. It is the power of all true science.” I’m not immune to the allure of mystery. Mysteries give us the scope to think, to analyze, to imagine, to expand our knowledge. If someone can really exhibit paranormal powers, for e.g. – I’ll be blown away. But before that, I’ll ask many, many questions to ascertain the truth. And then, I’ll try to find out how it happens. For you don’t leave a mystery alone. The beauty of a mystery is in cracking it.