Ever since the Richter 9 Earthquake struck, we’ve been haunted by images of Tsunami ravaged Japan. Its hard to describe the tragedy unfolding in that country – A woman searching for her nephew among the rubble; the swollen sea sucking school children in; Stark images of battered bodies torturing us from our TV screens. Many people lost family members, their homes, their life’s savings or their livelihood.

To a greater or lesser degree, our lives are fraught with grief, loss or tragedy. The sadness from these is temporary. We may be scarred for life, but we move on. But what do we make of people who proclaim they’re unhappy for no tangible reason? What do we make of their search for happiness?

Many of those between 30 & 45 – especially from the upper strata of society – are unable to cope with the existential angst of living in a post-modern society. Pursuing a career saps all their energy and time. Many are in responsible jobs, which means dealing with inordinate amounts of stress.

Many live in nuclear families, so the support structures of a joint family are non-existent or scant. Their identities such as caste, race, language, religion and place of origin are becomingly increasingly irrelevant, leading to a feeling of rootlessness. Under the auspices of this altered landscape, people have to forge new identities and deal with Gen-Next and their burgeoning individuality – a new concept for India.

This leads to fatigue – and the question “Why am I constantly struggling? To what purpose?”. This either leads them towards Spirituality (along with the attendant god-men) or in a search for Happiness with a Capital H.

What happens when one is too happy? There’s a word for it – “Euphoria”. It is defined as “an exaggerated feeling of great elation and well-being”. “Euphoria” is Happiness on hyper-drive. Shall we see how euphoria feels like?

I was engulfed by this warm feeling of happiness. I was in a room surrounded by beautiful people. Everything was perfect. I felt a great closeness to all the people in the room as if they were part of something greater, beyond human understanding. I wanted to go around & hug everybody. Time had stopped. There was no a past or future anymore but I existed in a moment within space and time. And a beautiful moment it was. Every aspect of it, the people, the surroundings all seemed to fit perfectly together.

The band was playing drum and bass. I became one with the music. I couldn’t help but dance infectiously to its rhythms. It didn’t matter that no one else was dancing. My ego was gone. I was truly free to dance without worrying what others thought of me. I was charged up. And while I danced I began to feel that I was a soul existing inside a body. My body was not what defined me as a self.

Was that “Happiness”? Or that other, often misused word, “Spirituality”? Neither. It’s a description of an MDMA trip on the drug “Ecstasy”. Ecstasy floods the brain with 3 neurotransmitters – Serotonin, Dopamine and Norepinephrine. This elevates the mood for a short period and depletes the brain of Serotonin. Extended use of Ecstasy affects the neurons in the brain causing lasting damage.

So, we can safely conclude that prolonged periods of “Euphoria” will have the same effect on the brain – with our without ecstasy – Confusion, (interestingly enough) depression, impairment of memory, paranoia and attention deficit.

The school of life needs to dole out occasional hard knocks to us. We need to fail sometimes. Only then will our happy moments seem sweeter. Without unhappiness, there’s no happiness.

Is “Happiness” the same as “Bliss”? Bliss is defined as the “Supreme Happiness. Or Euphoria”. Ouch.

Why is happiness so important? The American Declaration of Independence grants every citizen 3 unalienable rights – “Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness”.

I don’t search for happiness. Instead I focus on a few other words. I mentioned 3 of those words in Part-1 – Contentment. Maturity. Family & Friends (Ok, that’s 2 words). Here are a few other words.

• Stimulation. A happy brain is a stimulated brain. Learn new things – preferably something you’ve never done before. Dancing. Learning a new language. Making a short film. Doing puzzles. Joining a Book Club.

• Generosity. Be a giving person. If you do not have money, give your time. Be a volunteer. Select causes that you support – Is it Animal Welfare? Gay Rights? Educating Inner City Kids? Mentoring Immigrants? Pick one and start working on it.

• Expertise. At the risk of sounding rude: Do not waste your time on finding out what your calling is. Very few people have a calling – perhaps 5% of the population, the geniuses. The rest of us have to try things out & pick what appeals to us the most. Then, develop in-depth expertise in that field. This will be a fulfilling experience.

• Accomplishment. Or Success. When you look back on your life, what are the laurels you have won? Were you a sought out public speaker? Did you win a medal in Math? Were you praised for your singing? Are you so good in baking that you wrote a book? Or even – Were you the best bug fixer in the team?

I find that focusing on these words automatically makes me happy. For happiness is a by-product. You can’t chase it directly, it’s a derivative of what you do with your life.

I know an elderly woman – perhaps 60, looks 70 – who’s a sweeper in Blue Cross. She’s single and has a bed-ridden sister to take care of. She used to own a flat – “617 SQFT, madam”, she told me – but lost it due to her gullibility. She now lives in a hut, trying to make ends meet in the paltry INR 4,000 (approximately $100) per month paid by Blue Cross.

She’s reasonably fluent in English, but couldn’t find a better job. She finds her job beneath her dignity, especially since she comes from the upper-most caste in India – the Brahmins. She’s an unhappy woman, dejected with her life. Her sorrow is writ large on her well-lined face.

I empathize with her – I understand her unhappiness.

What I can’t understand is the burgeoning unhappiness amongst the upper middle class and the supra-rich in the world, particularly India. There are a lot of God-men and God-women pandering to this need, entrenching themselves well in this business of coaxing people that they deserve to be happier than they are.

What about the previous generation – those past 50? Did they need any classes on the Art of Living? Or on Life Bliss? Why then does this generation – those between the ages of 30 and 45 – need classes to teach them happiness and wellbeing?

To be fair, the previous generation didn’t have to deal with grueling schedules or work over the weekends. Their promotions were based mostly on qualification and seniority – not on merit as judged by their bosses. Appraisals were a mere formality – they were not heartbreaking affairs, as they are now.

Naturally, they made a lot less money than the present generation. Interestingly enough, they led happier lives. More Money = More Happiness isn’t a valid equation anyway.

Let’s try to understand why the previous generation was happier.

Their work-lives couldn’t have been stress-free, but they accepted it as part of life. They didn’t have an option. Acceptance makes burdens lighter. They also worked 9 – 5 jobs, which left a lot of quality time with family. And they placed emphasis on their family life – Family was the 1^st Priority. Their lives were filled with minor and major festivals and the intricacies of dealing with them. Their pleasures were simple – a visit to the temple, a concert and an occasional visit to a restaurant. Summer vacations were spent with the extended family.

Do you see a pattern emerging here? They derived pleasure from being with other people. They relished simple joys. They did not aspire for a bigger house, an LED TV or a vacation to Spain. They were – shall I say this – Contented?

So is “Contentment” another word for “Happiness”?

To understand happiness better, shall we see what happiness isn’t? Depression. As a chronic migraine sufferer, I go through periods of intense serotonin lows. Serotonin is a neurotransmitter that determines how “Happy” we are, for want of a better word. So from time to time, I go through what can only be termed bouts of depression.

My “depression” (for I don’t know what else to call it) is organic. Contrary to what you think, I don’t feel sad when I’m “depressed”. My sense of humor actually kicks up a notch. But I feel “Flat” – In neutral gear. I don’t feel the “Ups” and I’m curiously detached. I become more obsessive about work. And I feel like an automaton – I’m incapable of feeling. While its not an unpleasant state to be in permanently, its far from being an ideal state.

So is happiness simply having constant “Ups”, feeling frenetically attached, letting your hair down at work and feeling intensely? Honestly, that doesn’t seem like a nice state – it sounds more like someone stuck at being 5 years old. You’ll end up getting hurt or fired – but hey, you’ll have constant “Ups”?

We’re getting definitely somewhere. Too much happiness ain’t good for you. What we need is – moderation. We need more “Ups” than “Downs”, we need to feel (but know how to engage the neutral gear), be attached (but know how to detach ourselves when needed), have fun (but know when to take work seriously). Gee, that sounds a lot like another word – Maturity. Or Balance.

So is sustainable “Happiness” the same as being “Mature”?

What is an “Up”? It’s a short burst of feeling good about yourself. The entire happiness industry is based on the principle that such “Ups” can be endlessly extended. The corollary is, if you aren’t so happy that you’re beaming sunshine from your butt, you’re a failure.

What do we call this extended “Up” cycle? There’s a different word for that too. Its called being “Cheerful”. Interestingly enough, they did a longitudinal study in 1922 involving 1,216 kids. All the kids who were markedly cheerful died early. The trouble is, those with a perennially sunny disposition are unable to assess problems and risks in a meaningful manner.

So what’s the use of happiness if too much happiness kills us? Happiness is a fleeting reward circuitry conjured up by our brains. Eat that chocolate. Flirt with that girl. Be praised by the boss.

Fact is, there are some things that are far more important than “Happiness”. Perhaps when people realize the pleasures from those, they’ll stop hankering after happiness.

What I want to share is just a personal opinion, hoping to know what others think about it.

I was travelling in the U.S recently and had a chance to interact to few of my close friends from college.When we were discussing about our kids and how they have grown are interacting with us, this thought came across to me.

Is Indian culture about the way we talk, behave, dress or arts etc? I felt maybe it is something a little different.

There are two traits which is strong in the environment which makes the Indian culture Hierarchy and Resource Constraints.

 Hierarchy

Whether we like it hierarchy exists everywhere, but it is transforming. In my house even today I take permission( to be honest at least FYI my dad if I am going to be late in coming back). One thing this helps me in work it is much easier for me handle hierarchies than my counterparts in U.S. Interestingly they grew here but have spent close to 20 years there that their thinking has transformed. I am not judging that it is good or bad here. It is an observation. They find it difficult to comprehend this rules of hierarchy in functioning of systems at work or outside. I find U.S returned colleagues struggling to adapt this culture over here.

Resource Constraints

There are resource constraints every where in India. From roads to housing to things at work. Being in I.T I can comment on a few things. Product guys in U.S take RAM on computers for granted.In India it is a struggle to get 2GB machines but newer products expect 8GB to be a decent system requirement.The fact is this is a huge constraint. When I walk into our offices in U.S I find desktops with dual monitors that too 19 inch ones and individual rooms for developers to help them work productively.It is cool and nice. I love dual monitors and I ratify it does improve productivity. But in India dual monitors is unimaginable. Recently I saw LCD monitors fixed on the walls of developers and the developer’s desktop reduced to a foot in breadth. Gosh it causes a serious pain in the neck ( pun intended ). There is no way adjust the angle of those monitors also. Hey screw ergonomics, space matters and real estate is expensive.

But the beauty of Indian culture is to accept these attributes as a natural occurrencea and work with it. Imagine a society where all are equal, life will be quite boring actually. If all are intelligent then the word intelligent becomes “just about average”. In physics if there is now high/low how will the electricity flow. There will be have and have-nots. The challenge in life is to accept and work with it. But it is an interesting game we try to equalize it only to realise, we tipped the scale in another direction. Think about the U.S supporting the mujaheddin to balance out Russia, they ended up creating a different kind of imbalance. We will have resource constraints at all levels and in different contexts. Constraints helps us innovate, invent. This introduces newer constraints. Read this “Parable of Horseshit“  interestingly cars( fuel guzzlers and CO2 emitters) where a solution climatic problem at some point in history now we have it and that is a problem.  I think the nice thing about Indian culture helps you embrace these constraints in a positive manner and work with it. It helps us look at constraints with a more positive attitude at least for me. This culture helps accept a constraints without too much frustration. In India you always expect to have constraints and there is a dearth for resources. The environment helps us build this culture – “there are constraints and challenges learn to work with it to succeed.”. Sometimes I feel the western culture does not have as their environment does have a need for it. Which I think works in that environment.

Would love to hear other thoughts/views on this.

P.S : I have assumed readers are in India when I started writing this post, I realise that there are readers from outside India also. Please read it in this perspective.

What is bad?

This is first question I ask myself. I sincerely try to define why I call something bad. If we sit down to define the word bad it really becomes a difficult task.
1.Bad is something, which is not good for me.
2.Bad is an unexpected result.
3.Bad is an expected result, but I do not like the result.

Is it really so simple, may be there are other definitions also. I don’t think it is that simple. There are a lot of phrases, proverbs which come to my mind which help me define bad or – rather makes me understand that I cannot define what is bad.

Let us take some proverbs which are supposed to be good and guide us in life
Opposites attract – Birds of the same feather flock together.
Too many cooks spoil the broth. – Many hands make light work.

I see the proverbs that are opposite of each other. So which one of the proverbs is bad and which one is good. If I look at it closely both are good and bad depending on the perspective from which I am looking at them.

Not only with proverbs there has been instances in history, which intrigues me. There have been many instances which prove that what was good at one point of time proves to be bad at another point of time and vice-versa.

There have been many cases ranging from politics to science and technology where bad had become good and good has become bad.

Let us take politics to begin with.

Good becomes Bad
The Americans support the Mujaheddin in Afghanistan to fight the Russian oppressors. They felt they were helping democracy fight communism. They thought they were doing good. This happened in 1979-89. The Russians finally withdrew.13 years later the same Mujaheddin hit at the heart of Americas killing thousands.

Funny the good act of helping Mujahideen has turned into a bad act for the Americans in a period of 13 years.

Same is case for India under Indira Gandhi, nurtured LTTE for whatever reasons, but the same LTTE comes back to kill Rajiv Gandhi. India at one point thought they were helping Tamils in Srilanka survive.

Bad becomes Good
A simple case would be British occupation of India seems like a bad deal. But I think in the long run it is good. If India continued we would be having so many different countries in the place we call India now. Maybe Tamilnadu would have declared an armed war with Karnataka now.

But the British occupation is sole reason we are together. Only somebody really foolish can judge that being as a country together and using each strengths and weakness as complimentary to each other’s state as bad. Yes we have problems but being separate we will have bigger problems. It would be like the small countries in Africa like Namibia, Angola, Ghana which keep on fighting while people are starving to death.

Let us look at science/technology.

Good becomes Bad
The American inventor Oliver Evans designed the first refrigeration machine in 1805. He thought it was good, people will able to preserve food, hunger will be reduced etc.

In reality 1985, scientists discover the ozone, responsible for global warming, rising water, annihilation of coastal in the years to come, lesser rains. The cooling agents in the refrigerators have become unsuspecting weapons of mass destruction.

I am not advocating against technology or growth but it would have impossible at that point to judge that refrigeration can be so harmful. A blessing for mankind turned into a curse.

Bad becomes Good
Any scientist in history was termed either an anti-Christ or mad by the society till time proved otherwise. The examples are enormous. There have been cases in which the scientist had been put to death because he proposed the theory of the solar system and earth not being flat.

What seemed bad to society and people at that point have been accepted as good things that has happened in human history.

The concept of everything in this world is Maya or illusion according to Hindu philosophy.

BAD IS ABSOLUTELY RELATIVE

The statement by a westerner that ” The entire world is a stage and we are all actors doing our roles.”

Practically speaking, killing another human being is bad but not when he is an enemy soldier from across the border.

Driving slow is good but bad for a driver on the race track or driver of an ambulance taking a patient with heart attack to hospital.

So this where I end up. I find it difficult to define bad. So I question myself that “Can I judge something bad?”

Well it is a tough question. We can only judge something good or bad depending on the knowledge we have at that particular point of time.

Because as we all know the past is gone, no point in thinking or worrying about it, but it is a good teacher. History as I explained has taught us “What is good now will not always be good and what is bad will not always be bad”.

When I think through this I realize that I cannot really with full confidence judge something that has happened as bad.

When I cannot classify an event that happened as bad.The question “Why bad things happen to me?” changes to “Why things happen to me?”. Because I cannot call what had happened that day as bad anymore.

Once I stop calling that thing as bad. I don’t feel bad or sad about it. Please note I am not happy about it either. But I come to peace with myself and the world. I tell myself “Okay this happened this way it might have better if it had happened the way I expected it. But as history or time tells, you never know it is good or bad. So I will take this event a little easy and look forward to a better tomorrow.”

I feel relaxed after going through this thought process. I go and lie on my bed and close my eyes. More or less I am fast asleep in 5 minutes. During earlier times, I could not sleep at all.

It all started because I wanted to be a fighter pilot. Tummy-achingly badly. They say women love a guy in a uniform. Since I’m one sandwich short of a picnic, I wanted to be the guy in the uniform. Chuck the guy out. Gimme the uniform. And not for dry cleaning.

I want you to know that I’m superbly qualified. War is an endurance test. As a kid, I endured my elder brother. I could match him punch for punch, pummel for pummel. Never once did I bite the dust. There’s no evidence to the contrary, least-ways.

War is all about know-how. My head was bursting with know-how. Because I had seen many war movies, with plenty of guns going bang-bang-bang in unison, the woo-woo-woo of bombs dropping, bomb shelters, Blitzkrieg, Kristallnacht and Indiana Jones. And Star Wars. I wasn’t ruling out inter-galactic warfare.

I decided to give a wide-berth to the know-whys. A good soldier doesn’t care why a war is fought. As long as there’s plenty of action, one gets back without missing pieces, preferably outside a coffin & gets the Presidential Medal for Valor. “Why” is distracting and tangential, when you’re in the quest for Valor.

I equipped myself with single-minded, one might say, obsessive zeal. When my parents weren’t buzzing around, I traveled on the steps of a railway compartment, like Frank Sinatra (Von Ryan’s Express). I occupied the seat next to the drivers on cars and buses, since Riding Shotgun sounded downright dangerous, like the stuff Lucky Luke or Cisco Kid did.

The element of surprise can win or lose wars. I ambushed the neighborhood roosters and goats with water balloons. A particularly vindictive beast chased me across a hillock once. With scant disregard for my noble intentions. I fell headlong on brambles & scraped my knee. I accepted my battle scars with grave dignity.

They told me that WWII was over, but I wasn’t taking any risks. I memorized choice German phrases like Schnell Franz, Das Boot, Das Boot! (39 Steps). I pored over old newspaper reports on The Bay of Pigs and got Cardona and Castro mixed up.

I did suffer pangs of conscience, from time to time. My inner voice cackled forth like a Hyena. A Soldier? Did you say Soulja? Girl, you crack me up! You stand 5′ 4” in your socks. You are not Dolph Lundgren’s doppelgänger, I’ll say that! Your last visit to a gym was 30 days ago, when you tripped over your shoe-lace & 3 fingers of your left hand touched the gym floor – accidentally. I hate my conscience, the fly in my ointment.

We all know physique is of no consequence when you have the instinct for war.  Consequences, Mate? Sure, let’s talk about that. Your astigmatism is so bad, that chances are, if you aim for Pakistan, you might – just might – hit Kazakhstan. With very unpleasant consequences for the Kazakhs.

I wonder if my TV remote would work on my conscience. How do you expect to kill your enemies? Once they see you, they may die laughing. A sound strategy! But – What is this, the War Zone or the Comedy Central channel? I hastily pressed the “Mute” button.

Watch carefully, for this is not a tale that ends happily, with me flying sorties on enemy terrain. Instead of driving in a scorching desert in an All-Terrain Vehicle, with an AK-47 slung carelessly on my torso, I’m tethered to a computer. I became the square peg that fits nowhere yet flits everywhere. They call me a – Software Engineer. Le Sigh.

Let’s cut to the chase and swallow the bitter almonds. In India, women are not permitted to engage in active combat. When I graduated from Engineering School, women could be in Quality Assurance, Military Engineering, Education, Nursing, Survey of India. Whoopee. Hope you didn’t fall off your seats in excitement. A Desk job, safe and secure. They could have snapped a ball & chain on my ankles and flung me head-first into the Mariana Trench. I could have faced impending doom with steely determination, amidst growing despair (Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca, watching the aircrafts take-off).

But this post is not about Women in the Armed Forces. This is not how I wanted this post to turn out. It has floundered like a blind, drunken blue whale on a very foggy day. The narrative took a nose-dive as soon as we got the title out of the way. I haven’t conveyed the essence. And we all know that the essence is of the essence.

Don’t paw the ground ferociously, I ain’t whining about Indian Armed Forces. Not yet. At least, not in this post. I see the tide turning slowly and steadily. In the near future, India plans to induct women in the Border Security Force – with limited active combat. That’s a start.

Towards the end comes meaning, or what’s left of it. I sometimes reflect over the intellectual & moral void in developing nations, the older nations. And I’m reminded of a ruined chapel. Its past grandeur, its spirit. It evokes pathos, not pride. Can these fragments of dusty magnificence be put together? By whom? This leads to quiet desperation & an almost bestial fortitude. For what cannot be changed must be borne.

What ails our nations? Its time we listened to What the Thunder Said: DA. A single syllable. What could it possibly mean? DA. Could it be Datta (Give) – Sacrificing ourselves for a larger cause? DA. Is it Dayadhvam (Compassion) – Sympathizing and standing up for those weaker than ourselves? DA. Perhaps it is Damyata (Discipline) – Exercising Self-Control and will-power?

DA. Its what you make of it.

The above passage is from T.S.Eliot’s The Wasteland. He referred to many earlier works to write his master-piece, most notably the Brihadaranya Upanishad. Datta, Dayadhvam, Damyata: Prajapati‘s teachings to his children – the Devas, the Humans and the Asuras.

I don’t deify war. Nor do I look at the taking of life, any life, in a cavalier manner. Yet, I sometimes wonder if Conscription will teach people to be Citizens. I confess I don’t know the answer, but I think it will infuse discipline. Maybe even inculcate DA.

Perhaps then, people will think twice before jumping the red. Perhaps they’ll not cheat on taxes. Perhaps they’ll have mercy on the less fortunate. Perhaps. Without hope, where does life leave us?

As a person that takes discipline to heart, my fascination for the Armed Forces is but natural. We don’t need to be Secret Agents or War Heroes to be disciplined. It can be practiced right here, right at home. The Holy Grail is gathering dust, atop the ruined chapel. No one will hand it to us, perhaps we’ve lost it forever. There’s no point in waiting for the Messiah. There’s no earthly use in rhapsodizing over the past.

But I know this. The answer to the human condition is in you & me. We can limp forward, away from this decrepit state, towards peace. If we imbibe DA. That is a precondition. For there can be no Human Rights without Human Responsibilities.