I presume every self-respecting English speaker out there has seen the Back to the Future trilogy. I know I’ve seen it. A few times. Alright, alright – Many times. Don’t tell me you haven’t. After years of sedentary living, my flaccid arteries can’t handle that shock. I might simply choke & keel over. Just haul your butt off that couch, rent the DVD & enrich your brain.

The hero, Marty McFly, is the only normal, sane character in the movie. Everyone else is quirky, eccentric or plain weird. Now Marty’s all ship-shape till someone utters the “C” word. “What are you, Chicken?”. A Double-Doggy Dare. That’s all it takes for Marty to unravel. “What did you say?” he demands swerving, beady-eyed & foaming in the mouth.

Each of us has a trigger, a set-point. If that’s breached, we all become as wild as a Bronco with a fly in its ear. We prance around whinnying till the madness passes over. I don’t dig horses: they look dumb. They aren’t in the least terrifying. If its all the same to you, I’d prefer to morph into a savage creature with a fearsome aspect.

Insult me. And I transmogrify into a Fire Breathing Dragon. Sparks fly from my eyes, nostrils & assorted orifices. I cast aside the cloak of decency, daub my face with war-paint & become a primordial beast. Take a hint, drop the offensive & talk about the weather. If you can’t – or worse, won’t – stop bullying me because you’re glacially slow on the uptake: Get ready to tackle Ze Dragon.

It all started because of Shah Rukh Khan. He was en route to North America, but he was detained by US Immigration. For being a Muslim. The fact that Khan is more tolerant than most people in the world (his wife is a Hindu), that he has received death threats from Islamists for integrating with India’s fabric – was lost on them.

Racial profiling is galactically stupid. Roughly 23% of the people in the world are Muslims. What’s the grand plan of the Immigration officers – stop every 4th person that passes through? What, all of a sudden, traveling under an assumed name has become improbable? If you think US Immigration used a “process” to zero in on Khan, think again. Recently, they detained another Khan – Irfan Khan. The  enormously talented actor was on his way to receive an award. Don’t forget Aamir Khan: He was strip-searched & interrogated.

So, sorry to bust your bubble. No glorious, air-tight, Space Shuttle-Worthy, Lunar Module algorithms developed by NASA are at work here.

Khan is an internationally well known artist. Measured by the prevailing (and astonishingly appalling) standards of Indian movie-goers, he has even attained eminence. He’s from India, a country well-known for promoting its kitsch to the wider world. I expect everyone to do their home-work & this includes US Immigration Officers. How can you not know famous people, that too from a prominent country, when your job is to patrol, safe-guard & secure your nation’s borders? At best, that’s sloppiness. At worst – I’ll come to that later.

I tweeted about this & all hell broke lose.

How dare I call the officers ignorant? Not knowing SRK isn’t ignorance! You naïve woman. How can you fill your lolling head with stinking tripe from the mass-media? So SRK was detained – Big deal! Ex-President Abdul Kalam was frisked in New Delhi & we never heard a peep from him! People with Hindu names have trouble with immigration, how about that? Stop blindly parroting the news channels. How can you assume the officers don’t have a process? Are you even reading my responses? Shut your trap, will you? Woman?

These knights in shining armor, defenders of the officers in distress, were not American. They were Indian. Tamil. I found the stridency in their responses interesting. I don’t have a problem with disagreements or heated debates. Discussions are enjoyable & educative when decorum is maintained. People verbally lash out when they can’t land a stinging slap on your face. Its par for course when sensitive topics – religion, God – are discussed. I’m amazed that this vehemence was manufactured while debating the detention of an actor.

My personal opinion? I didn’t lose any sleep over “King” Khan’s detention. I don’t particularly care about him. In fact, I don’t even like him. He over-emotes, which is a polished way of saying “bad actor”. He takes himself way too seriously. He seems to think he knows more about cricket than Sunil Gavaskar. He thinks he has already filled thespian Amitabh Bachchan’s over-sized shoes. I think he sports a brand of arrogance born out of ignorance. But, he was a harmless, essentially decent, innocent man on his way to an event.

And yet: “People with Hindu names are stopped routinely”. What of it? Can you spell “Racism”? Immigration Officers in most developed nations can. To be fair, some of them can’t tell Arabs & South Asians apart. They blindly target “Muslim Looking” people, which in their mind involves a brown skin.  That’s superbly dim-witted. Arabs are not the only Muslims in the world. Turks for e.g. are Caucasian. Arabs from Lebanon or Syria can be very light skinned.

But some aren’t that innocent. To them, its a God-given opportunity to parade their Xenophobia. “Damn foreigner, setting foot in my country. I’ve taken an intense dislike to you without any basis because I’m a douche-bag. I have the power, so let me taunt you, play Cat & Mouse with you. What are you gonna do? Call a lawyer?!”. So it goes.

I don’t expect most Americans to know SRK: Only people who need to know, such as officers at the port of entry. He has a wax figure at Madame Tussaud’s in London. He was a presenter at the Golden Globe this year. I don’t expect them to know the who’s-who of Indian glitterati. Only those who have a global footprint.

India, China, Russia and Brazil are the emerging powers. Their citizens travel more to developed nations, so I merely want the immigration officers to have some General Knowledge on these countries. And I demand that they make at least a half-assed attempt to review the paper-work of the visitors.

Back to my bug-bears. In retrospect, I wonder how much of their nonchalance was attributable to their inability to identify with SRK. Let’s up the ante. Would they be this insouciant, if their people – whoever that is – were stopped? Or would they thrash & moan about the ignorance of America? Would they lament that the Indian Government was in cahoots with the enemies of the Tamil Cause? The answer is mired in our views of identity & clan behavior.

Maybe my views are all wrong & I’m a bungling idiot. Perhaps I’m a sock puppet manipulated by the media. But that’s irrelevant. Those are my views & I have a right to air them. Your discomfort over my views is not my problem. If my opinions irk you, don’t read them. Its that easy. Your disagreeing with me doesn’t give you the right to slam me. You can’t verbally abuse someone because they published their thoughts in a public forum. If you think you can, you have an Anger Management problem, coupled with Chronic Hostility. You need help.

Nasty people hide behind their Digital Avatars. They know fully well that they can’t diss you face-to-face, you’ll tear them apart & make ribbons out of their innards. But, what can the Dragon do about online meanness, in twitter? You can put your foot down. But if that doesn’t work – Its a good idea to take the high road & not stoop to their level. Oh, un-following & blocking are good too. Dragons don’t reconcile.

Jerks teach us a lot, if you’re willing to learn. They’ve taught me how not to treat people. So I let sleeping dragons, broncos & buzzards be. I try not to trip on their tails. Working them overtime just won’t do.

What do you think about Shah Rukh Khan’s detention & Dr Abdul Kalam’s frisking? Do you think racial profiling works? And how do you handle meanies online? Tell us!

We are glad to publish this post by our friend Dr Abdul Fakhri. Please welcome him warmly by commenting on his maiden post. Also, do check out Dr Fakhri’s book when you get a chance.  – Priya Raju.

These are a few random thoughts about Gender, Feminism and Sexuality. The old adage that while more things change they remain the same holds true in this case. Unless men and women make a radical departure from our ancient deep-rooted assumptions and prejudices nothing will change. Change that makes the world a better place to live in – I can’t see why anyone would have second thoughts about that.

My thinking about this subject was sparked off by a group of lady colleagues fervently defending the right of women to go to work in an office. I was at first a bit surprised and then very sad. Surprised because I thought we had reached a point of consensus ages ago in civil/political society that affirmed the right of women to work. And there are still people debating that. Come on guys! We are not in the paleolithic age!

Sad because I thought we take pride in Kalpana Chawla/Sunita Williams as icons of women’s/nation’s emancipation and seek to inspire our daughters along those lines but are still bogged down by very fundamental assumptions about women’s ‘location’ in society.

Irrespective of caste, language, religion and even geography, gender is the most common dimension where one can see similarities across societies. The ‘sisterhood’ faces challenges universally. One would be amazed to note how much domestic violence is part of family life across the world or for that matter crime against women. No culture or social group can claim a holier-than-thou attitude towards gender issues. Having said that, it must also be made clear that the level of debate and the extent to which these issues are addressed varies from society to society and country to country. The Euro-American societies have over the years  seen a lot of ferment on these issues and they are able to cope with these issues better. They have not sought to push things under the carpet. Does that mean that our cultures have not had a progressive presence? There is so much out there to name a few:  Pandita Ramabai worked for the emancipation of women. Our very own Periyar was a radical feminist of his time. Bharati spoke of “Pudumai Penn.” And many more to name just a few.

Which brings me to the purpose of this post. The debate, policy and research on these issues has reached light years ahead of what our ‘brotherhood’(sic) is busy with – the rather paltry right of women to go to work.  The debate is about redefining masculinity. About expressive and assertive female sexuality. About alternate sexuality or transgender issues. About redefining the legal process to be more friendly to women and the transgendered. About reshaping policy to meet the changing needs of our time.

The most basic of all identities is ones gender identity. But there is an acute biological determinism about how  people see these things. At a conceptual level, recent thinking on these subjects shows that there is increasingly a clear delineation about gender identity at at least three levels. At the first level is biology or biological fact about a person being born a male or a female. At the second level is the social sex whether the person sees himself/herself as a man/woman. Lastly and at the final level is the sexual orientation of the person whether s/he prefers someone of the same or opposite sex. At what level of permutations and combinations a person’s thoughts and emotions may be differs from individual to individual. Rigid straitjacketing of the roles of individuals whether men/women has never worked through history and will never work. Life is about fluidity and identities including gender identities are always in a flux.

Clearly gender is not equal to biological fact. Gender is culturally and socially produced. That there are men who prefer to live their lives as women is testimony to the non-biological reality of gender/sexual emotions. While it is sad that such men are sneered at by mainstream society, what is not noticed is that they have made a tough choice to abstain from patriarchal structures by abdicating the power that a man has in society. That is the key word POWER. Lord Acton had said “Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.” Men seek that absolute power over women in society by setting the rules of the game. Gender is not so much about just the right of women to work but the power relations between men and women. Despite the relationship between husbands and wives being the most intimate space of their lives it is still amazing how power plays a vital role in marriages.

It is heartening to notice the increasing awareness of gender and transgender issues in the media. While some of this can become reduced to voyeurism and caricatures, still there is light at the end of the tunnel. Whether it is TV chat shows or films there is an increasing realization that we have to grow up on these issues. The onus in this sphere is clearly on the men as the power-bearers. Women already have too much on their plate to go about conscientizing men as to how they ought to conduct themselves. A redefined masculinity is not just about help in changing nappies of the child or doing household chores but about a fundamentally changed and different perspective about how we look at the world. Abhorring power and control in gender issues could also lead to a  breakthrough in caste, religious, ethnic, racial  and cultural spheres. It is all intertwined. We have to transcend gender issues to achieve a more peaceful and equitable existence. To those who believe in a God, it is the complimentarity of ‘Gods creation’ – the sexes that needs to be understood at the very outset.

The need of the hour is for more men to empathize with feminism. Can a man be a feminist?  Perhaps yes or Perhaps not. Not because there is another kind of biological determinism that insists that only women understand their exploitation. Yes because through ages there has always been the benevolent(sic) male who has stood up for the right of women. Alright, if a man cannot be a feminist, at least he can be a ‘friend of feminism.’! What better or higher virtue can women attribute to men than being called true FRIENDS!

Our age is about transcending gender and transgender! To those who are still debating whether women can go to work,  I say ” Yawn! Gentlemen(sic), Good Morning, Wake up and smell the coffee!”

In the Summer of 1985, Class X of “Sacred Heart Girls Convent” suffered an electric jolt. To be precise, there were 65 of us in the class (Hey – India is a densely populated country) & 64 of us were shocked out of our wits. As for the 65th scholar – Well, this post is about her.

We had finished our board exams & a few days later, we were all luxuriating in the shade of the many trees that dotted our campus. The weather wasn’t too bad for April, we were all in our “color” dresses (instead of the nerdy Maroon & Cream horror euphemistically called “Uniform Dress Code”) & many of us had iced lollies in our hands. Life was perfect, as life tends to get after grueling exams.

We spotted Innasi striding purposefully towards us. None of us knew what Innasi’s job title was – You could best describe her as an “odd-jobs woman”. She rung the school bell, swept the corridor, pruned the roses, fawned around the Head-Mistress & lorded over the pre-teens. She was a “personage” nevertheless & knew stuff that nobody else did. On the rare occasions that she led the school prayer (people, people – we are talking about a Catholic school), she sang in a mellifluous voice that startled & mesmerized in equal measure. Innasi always walked purposefully – strode, to be precise. Perhaps Alexander walked like that after defeating Darius in battle.

“Do you know why there’s a crowd before Sister Pauline’s office?” she asked smugly. “No, Innasi. Though we have a hunch that you’re dying to tell us – So, why don’t you get it over with?” – said Anita. The rest of us sniggered. Insolence is the right of the young. Innasi scowled & said – “Well, smart-asses! Malini is getting married”. Enola Gay couldn’t have left such a silence in its wake.

Malini, our classmate was getting married. Damn, we were 15 years old. Most of us were not averse to Holy Matrimony, but it loomed hazily in the future, somewhere after college graduation. All of us were looking forward to “Secondary School” & “Sweet 16″ parties. Sister Pauline (our Head-Mistress) frowned upon anyone wearing make-up at school – and in sheer defiance, some rebels had secretly planned on painting themselves like trollops that very day & hitting a cool hang-out after that. Geeks like me were doing some “light” reading on “Nuclear Physics” to prepare – for Armageddon, perhaps? But now, all was forgotten. We were too stunned to speak.

Innasi was pleased as punch at our shock, so she readily answered our questions. Malini was marrying her uncle – Mother’s brother. The “groom” was 32 years old. The wedding will take place in May 1985. Sister Pauline had thrown a hissy fit, since she had strong feelings about minors getting married. But Malini’s parents were adamant & had terminated her education. If she was lucky, her husband-to-be might permit her to complete her Secondary School. “Oh, but Sister Pauline will not have her back!” – Innasi said ominously.

“What you mean, you old coot, is you’d rather derive perverse pleasure in Malini being a school drop-out!” – this was Beulah & her voice shook. She was almost in tears. “Do you brush your teeth with gun-powder, Beulah – because you are shooting your mouth off!” – Innasi walked off in a huff. In some communities, people marry their cousins – but, I have to confess that marrying an uncle freaks me out totally. I mean, your grandma becomes your mother-in-law! Somehow that doesn’t sound right to me.

A few months back, our Math teacher Ms Stella blurted out – “Isn’t Malini pretty?”. Ms Stella was like that – she never mastered the art of decorum. We loved her for that – she was rather refreshing. I gave Malini the once-over – Really, I can disconcert people with my critical eye. We were all gauche and either skinny or rotund with baby fat. We were as awkward as colts. Malini was already semi-Rubenesque, had long silky hair & a smooth skin. Why be unkind enough to dissect someone’s appearance beyond this? She was definitely pretty. Perhaps the problem started there.

Most of us took a bus or rode a bicycle to school. But, Malini was chaperoned to school. Her bosom friend, Shanthi, had obscenely rich parents & commandeered her own car. But, her driver dropped her off – she wasn’t chaperoned by a mother, clucking like an over-protective hen. Poor Malini. Apparently her looks had attracted the unwelcome attention of “loafers” – read boys in our age group. Some besotted boy tried to – GASP! – talk to her. Another rapscallion tried to woo her with roses. Her parents, obviously horrified with the attention their 15 year old daughter was getting, miffed her “suitors” by chaperoning her. Perhaps some moron serenaded her now, who knows? So, her devoted parents had arranged her marriage, thereby squelching her life.

“So, Malini will become what, sort of like a mother?” moaned Fatima. This was a depressing thought. Mothers carry large, ugly hand-bags the size of a circus tent. In it, they had bank statements, electricity bills, grocery lists, “to do” lists, spare diapers, an amazing assortment of keys that open no known doors in the universe & wads of tissues. They had “responsibilities” like paying the bills, buying provisions, making dinner, entertaining guests & overseeing the maid. Most of us were militantly irresponsible. A simple “Clean your room!” from our parents elicited nasty looks & much ominous mutterings akin to thunder from us. Malini probably would start investing wisely in shares, we thought gloomily. She’ll be buying a nice “starter home” when Shanthi – whom we knew was destined to be a doctor – was dissecting her first cadaver in Med school.

What did Malini think about this? – We wondered. She never struck me as a push-over. She was articulate, reserved but friendly. Why on Jan 85, when I was shopping for clothes with my mother, I bumped into Malini. Mum wanted me to get an ultra-traditional long skirt that looked totally dorky – and I mulishly chose a pair of jeans. And glared back at mum, willing her to order me around. Malini smiled at me sweetly & said – “Why don’t you buy a traditional long skirt? Isn’t that our culture?”. Mum looked ecstatic & beamed, while I gaped at Malini, horrified. “In any case, we have to listen to our elders in the long run!” she said, looking gentle like a Simmentaler cow.

That incident must have given me a clue. “Accede, don’t defy” must have been Malini’s Mantra in life. We saw a red-faced Sister Pauline getting out of her office. She had begged, harangued & threatened Malini’s parents on her behalf. But to no avail. We made a beeline for the Head-Mistress’s office. Malini was standing there alone, with her trade-mark gentle expression. We felt miserable. Many of us were tongue-tied for the 1st time in our lives. “So” said Shree brightly – “Joining us for a game of Volleyball?”. Anita kicked Shree’s legs violently. Maybe Malini was forbidden from playing games – brides-to-be have to behave in a dignified manner. “Hey, what do you all want to be, when you grow up?” – This was Lakshmi. We all groaned inwardly. She had no tact whatsoever – “I’m gonna be a Police Officer!!” – she bellowed. Poor Malini. Would she have the option of working?

“Well, Uh, Congratulations, Malini” we said uncertainly. “Thank You” she said. Her expression was inscrutable. “And wow, huh. Great news” – Each of us shook her hand. Shanthi hugged her & wouldn’t let go off her for 5 minutes. It was a sad scene, almost funereal, reminiscent of “Ode to the Nightingale” by Keats. Ms Stella & a few of us took Shanthi aside for a cup of tea. Shanthi looked very pale & her hands shook when she took the proffered cup. “Tell me something” she said. “How does she feel about, you know, having sex with this guy?”. I shuddered & tried not to think about Malini’s nuptials. She was 15 years old. He was 32. She was still a kid. And he was a full-blooded man. Life sometimes sucks. Shanthi sniffled once – just once. It was a heart-breaking sound.

Malini’s younger sister came gliding towards us, with the grace of an eel. 13 years old, she already had the allure of a wood nymph. Innasi told us darkly – “You know, Malini has a 28 year old uncle. They plan to marry him off to this kid”. For once, Innasi looked tormented, not ghoulish. And I nearly liked her at that minute.

Only Shanthi attended the wedding. The rest of us excused ourselves. You could say we didn’t have strong enough stomachs for that.